How to process grief after public tragedy like police deaths, according to experts working with first responders

An Edmonton couple working to support first responders' mental health says the last few days have been very trying for local service members and their families.

Colette and Gary Benoit, founders of the Front-Line Resiliency Project, have spent the past five years helping build community, awareness and coping strategies for positive mental wellness with paramedics, firefighters and police officers.

They created the organization after a series of first responder suicides in 2018. The organization covers therapies that traditional benefits programs exclude, like equine therapy, reiki, or reflexology.

"It's about bringing together members of the first responder community to heal through connection," Colette, who previously worked in criminal justice, explained. "In times like this, especially after the tragedy that unfolded on Thursday, we need each other more than ever."

Gary served 24 years as a police officer and worked alongside constables Travis Jordan and Brett Ryan at the city's west division.

"I'm sad. I'm angry. I have good moments and I have not-so-good moments," he told CTV News Edmonton. "There are times where I have to pull the car over and cry."

"Our condolences go out to the family… I can't imagine what they are actually experiencing," Gary added.

The pair, who are certified life coaches and grief counsellors, offered some perspective on how to process last week's tragedy.

DON'T SUPPRESS EMOTIONS

Whether you are someone who knows the fallen constables or not, Gary's biggest piece of advice is to let yourself feel whatever emotions your body needs.

"It's OK to experience all of that as you go through this," Gary said. "Everybody experiences grief 100 per cent in their own way… As a community, as a whole, we feel this.

"We feel it inside of us, we feel the pain… and that's OK."

TALK WHEN READY

Since Thursday, Colette says many people have wanted to talk while others have needed space. The key is being ready to be present whenever a person needs that support.

"People want to be heard," she said. "That is kind of our basic need… So just allowing space and giving them the time to feel and talk about their feelings, but not forcing it."

"If you just continue to be there – continue to show up, be that ear – that really does open the door to ask for additional help," Gary echoed. "Because we all need it. We do need it; maybe not right now, but a week from now, a month from now, or a year from now."

ONGOING PUBLIC SUPPORT

The officers' deaths led to an outpouring of public support, ranging from #EPSstrong displays on public buses to flowers lining the West Division station.

For some, that can be helpful, but Gary says for others, it can be overwhelming.

"Initially, that processing may take a few days for them to actually sink in because we get busy, we have roles to do," he said. "It's also important to see that support continue. That would be even better because it [trauma] really does affect people at different times."