This is how parents can initiate a conversation with a teacher or administrator

Preparing ahead of meetings and keeping your cool. Psychologist Lisa Rowbottom joined CTV Morning Live’s Kent Morrison on how parents can initiate respectful conversations with teachers.

 

This transcript has been edited for length and clarity.

 

Kent Morrison: The relationship between parents and teachers can be a delicate one. Each has the best interest of a child in mind, but many different strategies are out there to help on how to initiate a conversation and do so respectfully. Lisa, this is a tricky one, as we start a new school year. For parents at home who are noticing discrepancies in what they see in learning or performance, what should they do first?

Lisa Rowbottom: I think the first thing to do is really pay attention to the behaviour and the actions of the child and how they're doing in school, like have their marks gone up and down. As the parent, when you go in to speak with a teacher, you really want to be prepared with exactly what your concerns are. A lot of people will come in with generalized concerns, but if you, as the parent, spend that time ahead of time to say, “Well, I'm noticing that his marks have dropped specifically in English. Could it be this? Or could it be that?” I think that it helps those meetings go much smoother and it helps more positive outcomes.

Kent: Now, teachers are more accessible than they've ever been, but what's the best way to initiate a conversation? Whether you're talking with a teacher or a school administrator.

Lisa: I think that reaching out and setting something up in person is probably one of the best ways to do it, because then you have the teacher prepared and the administrator prepared for the conversation. They'll be able to review their notes on your child, and you'll come in prepared as well. It also helps with the emotionality levels that can come with these conversations, because like you said, both the parent and the teacher are very passionate about helping the child. There's also less possibility of miscommunication that sometimes can happen through written communication, because we can't tell tone and we can't tell sarcasm.

Kent: Speaking of the emotions, it can get tense. Do you have any tips for keeping your cool? You're all trying to help, but it can get a little combative. What's the best way to assert yourself, but also keep it cool?

Lisa: I think that one of the best ways to do that is to remind yourself to stay as grounded as possible, because people will co regulate. If you feel yourself starting to increase in activation and become more and more irritated, you may notice an increase in the person you're talking to. That will then increase yours and people will increase until there's basically an all out argument. If you're able to keep yourself regulated, maybe slow your breathing down. Always go in prepared and go in with some suggestions, if you've had a few thoughts as the parent that might help your child. I think also making sure you're speaking to the right person. If you're concerned about maybe staffing in the classroom, sending that information to the teacher isn't necessarily going to be able to make a change, because teachers aren't necessarily responsible for that. It might be an administrator. So right person, right time, right place.

Kent: Having a plan certainly seems like it's going to help in this situation. This is a delicate topic, but we want to help people out. If you'd like to learn more from Lisa, you can visit her website at sojo.ca for more information.