EPS Const. Doug McLeod was involved in a 2012 shootout with a suspect. The incident changed his life and led to valuable training for first responders.

“December 23, my partner and I were starting our first set of nights, and we left the station, west division, on our way to go get coffee, and almost immediately after we pulled out of the parking lot we encountered a vehicle that we ended up wanting to do a traffic stop with,” recalled Const. McLeod.

“It took quite some time for this vehicle to actually stop and when it did, before we had an opportunity to get out of the vehicle and go engage with the driver, the door of the driver’s side of their vehicle opened and the driver got out, raised a long gun at us and started shooting while we were in our car.”

Const. McLeod said he noticed another police vehicle approaching as he jumped out.

“I remember thinking to myself like these guys don’t know what’s going on, like they’re going to be right in the line of fire,” he said.

He heard gunshots and scrambled to the front of the car.

“Basically we engaged with the suspect and after a very, very short time actually he got back into his vehicle and he left.”

“There’s now four of us, we’re side of the road, checking each other over and making sure that nobody was hurt and trying to preserve some evidence and check side areas and side roads for other threats.”

The investigation was taken over by other officers and Const. McLeod soon began the reintegration program offered by the service which at the time meant speaking with a psychologist and taking firearms training.

“There was no formal program to work with members after a shooting and just get them comfortable behind the gun again, like we say,” said Sgt. Glen Klose with the EPS Re-Integration and Resiliency Program.

“Both of which I did after about a week and there was no issues, so I was cleared to go back to work,” said Const. McLeod.

A short time later Const. McLeod said he began having nightmares, trouble sleeping and became short-tempered with his family.

“My mood continued to get worse through February, March. Into April I started getting complaints from the public because my interactions with them were very negative. I didn’t care, essentially about their issues. Nothing really seemed important to me.”

McLeod said he ignored pleas from his wife to speak to someone, until May 17, 2013. At the start of his shift he told his boss he needed to talk to someone. He said his boss would put him in touch with the employee and family assistance program.

Towards the end of his shift that same day, McLeod hit the lowest point in his life.

“And I started getting these images in my head and this overwhelming desire to shoot myself in the head. And I pulled the car over to the side of the road and I sat there and I was just playing with my gun, you know, kind of undoing the snap and playing with it in the holster.”

“And over and over and over, I would just picture shooting myself.”

He said he spent the next hour talking himself out of taking his own life.

“After a little while I started thinking about my wife and what that would do to her and my daughter and my unborn child. My wife was pregnant. I started thinking about my family, my parents and my sister, everybody that I worked with that would have to come and find me and deal with that, and I decided I didn’t want to die that day.”

When he got back to west division, there was a message waiting from a worker at the employee assistance program.

“She said she had gotten the message that I wanted to talk to somebody and asked if I would be OK if I talked to her on Tuesday because they were away for the long weekend, and I said, ‘No, I’m not OK to wait,” McLeod said.

After a lengthy discussion with the worker and his wife, McLeod went to the hospital where he was diagnosed with PTSD and suicidal ideation. He was admitted to a psych ward for a short time.

After being released, he spent 18 weeks doing what’s called ‘prolonged exposure therapy’, which had him repeating what happened over and over so that in time, talking and thinking about the incident wouldn’t have as much of an impact.

Then he began a type of exposure therapy, where he created a list of things that caused anxiety.

“For me, at that point even going to the mall or going to an area where there were people around me was incredibly anxiety provoking. It was really taking over my life. I wasn’t able to take my kids to the mall, I couldn’t go to festivals, I couldn’t go downtown, and so that’s what I started working on, trying to re-claim some of my social life,” said Const. McLeod.

He was doing well, overcoming several of the anxiety triggers on his list.

“But we got to the point where things were becoming like operational issues that were causing me the issues, so being around guns, being around police cars, being around uniforms. And my occupational therapist said, ‘I understand that causes you anxiety, but we can’t do anything about that. We don’t have those resources, we don’t have those contacts. There’s nothing in place to do that,’” he said.

Const. McLeod once again turned to reintegration team for help. Although it was not part of the program, they agreed to try.

“So for a lot of sessions I would just come and sit at the range, and we would just talk and that would be enough for me.”

“We progressed all the way up to shooting, some very dynamic shooting drills. We would drive around in police cars, lights and sirens on and stop the car abruptly, and get out and engage targets.”

In time, McLeod and the reintegration team started driving around in an unmarked police vehicle to get used to the computer system and equipment.

“That progressed to the point where I actually started going back into uniform, got my gun back, started going out on the street and actually going to calls,” McLeod said.

In Aug. 2014 he was cleared to work again without any restrictions.

“It’s not like the TV, not like the movies, these events do have long-term, potentially long-term psychological impact on our members,” said Sgt. Klose.

Seeing the positive impact the time with McLeod had led the re-integration team to change its program. It now combines training, psychology and peer support.

“When we work together between all those three areas, that’s when we can actually see a lot of growth and we actually see members coming back to work in a healthy, supported environment.”

“When it comes to an actual event, something like our critical incident stress management team kicks in, our employee family assistance gets more active, peer support, and that’s when we start seeing some of that intervention to support members, so that we can either minimize what they’ve been exposed to, or the impact of what they’ve been exposed to, or certainly give them the tools to help them get through it, so that hopefully we’re not seeing them impacted with a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress or even symptoms associated with it,” said Donna Munro, EPS Employee and Organizational Wellness Branch director.

The EPS has become known for its re-integration program around the world, and has shared it with several other agencies.

“Including RCMP, Calgary Police, Alberta Health Services along with their EMS folks. There’s folks we’ve had on course from New Zealand.”

Unfortunately Const. McLeod had a relapse and was pulled off the street.

“It was a very hard thing to hear,” he said.

“I’d put so much time and effort and work into getting better and then to have it pulled back was demoralizing.”

He now works in the EPS Historical Homicide Unit, but takes part in the courses taught by the re-integration unit. He also offer support to colleagues in need.

“It’s a little bit of therapy every time I tell my story,” he said.

“And knowing that this course has positively impacted a lot of people, it’s a really good thing.”