A spotlight is shining on a very heavy topic right now, violence in teen dating. The attention comes after an alleged abusive relationship between one of Hollywood's golden couples, but it happens right here in Alberta everyday. The reality of the situation hits very close to home for some Edmonton teens.
The superstar couple making headlines for all the wrong reasons is Rihanna and Chris Brown. Brown allegedly pushed, punched and bit his girlfriend and has been charged with felony assault and making a criminal threat by the Los Angeles County District Attorney.
It's believed Rihanna is back with her alleged abuser, a move that's sparked debate, but more importantly it's opened up a discussion right here in Edmonton.
School counsellor Joe Dumont says a high profile event like this creates opportunity for people to discuss abuse. "Any time you get the discussion started, it's a positive thing," says Dumont.
For one Edmonton teen, Rihanna's very public story of abuse, has given her the courage to tell her story. The teen has asked to keep her identity private.
The girl's abusive relationship started when she was only 15. She says it started out okay, "I was just head over heals, everything was so good and about one month in he just started getting out of control, over jealousy problems, really controlling. It kind of scared me."
Her relationship with her boyfriend was worse in public. He would yell at her, insult her and throw things at her. She feared it would turn physical. After five months of suffering alone, she finally decided to talk to someone about it.
The teen talked to a couple of her closest friends about what she was experiencing, but never talked to her parents about it. "Looking back I probably should have talked to my parents, someone older than me, that knows I shouldn't be getting yelled at, that I shouldn't be getting pushed around and controlled like this," says the girl.
Her story is not unique. A recent study says teens may be at a greater risk than adults for physical and psychological harm because they don't have a lot of experience, are striving for independence, and rely on support from other teens. The study shows 1 in 3 teens will experience some sort of dating violence. 12% report physical abuse.
"In a school situation, you're going to see relationship abuse from the males and females, you will see it both ways," says school counsellor Joe Dumont.
Dumont says there are signs even a casual observer can spot including; physical injuries, failing grades, mood or personality changes, isolation, and unexpected drug or alcohol use.
Some accounts of Chris Brown and Rihanna's relationship suggest there were signs pointing to potential abuse that may have been happening long before the alleged incident.
"I think adolescents know when things are unhealthy, it's just a matter of - 'am I confident enough to identify it'," say Dumont.
Fighting for one's own confidence isn't easy, and it's one the Edmonton teen will never forget. "I felt so trapped, I felt helpless to do anything because it was always what he said, went. It was really hard to get out of."
While the girl may not be ready to show her identity she hopes her story will empower even one person to get help. "Just stop being so in love, whatever they think they are and open their eyes to what's really going on and find help from someone," says the teen.
With files from Dez Melenka
If you're in an abusive relationship, or know someone who is, there is help. A number of different organizations offer support services for youth in crisis.
Support Network - Distress Line
Call: 780-482-4357 (24 hrs)
Outside Edmonton - Call: 1-800-232-7288
Youth One - Crisis Chat
Call: 780-482-4357 (24 hrs)
Kids Help Phone
Call: 1-800-668-6868 (24 hrs)
Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton
Call: 780-423-4121 (24 hrs)
Teens Helping Teens Crisis Line
Call: 780-428-8336
Outside Edmonton - Call: 1-877-803-8336
Relationship Handbook - Think & Date (pdf)
or in Edmonton call 2-1-1 for additional resources
